Sentences

A good sentence packs a punch. Remember that…

Several years ago I started a Pinterest page for my gallery of landscape work. While I was doing that I also noticed other people’s work so I decided to create a board called Beautiful Landscapes. Then after creating that board I got hooked on pinning things, so now I have several boards on Pinterest. One of the boards I have is called, Great Quotes. Here are seven:

Creativity is intelligence having fun. Albert Einstein

Quality is never an accident. It is always the result of intelligent effort. John Ruskin

The man of genius inspires us with a boundless confidence in our own powers. Ralph Waldo Emerson

A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities. J.R.R.Tolkien

Everything that is real was imagined first. The Velveteen Rabbit – Margery Williams

This watch is excatly two days late. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carrol

I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carrol

Four of these quotes are in nonfiction form. Three of these quotes are in fiction form. In this blog I will be talking about the power of a sentence in fiction form. One thing about stories over straight up philosophy or nonfiction is that a writer can incorporate their philosophy in story-form. They can hide it through the words of a character or a narrative prose. They can share a truth or a message quietly without sounding like they’re on a high horse. But it is more than that. In a story there are some sentences that reveal something without going into long explanations.

When it comes to fantasy (which is what we will be discussing here) many writers feel the need for long exposition in prologues, which work sometimes but like I said in an earlier post, as an author I have to get you to care about the character as fast as I can. A long prologue may serve as a distraction. I personally did not write a long introduction but I diffused my prologue throughout the story using different techniques. Remember that when you are writing a story you can give any one of your philosophies to any one of your characters.

But good sentences in a story is not just for sharing a philosophy, they are there to move the story forward, give clarity, give insight, change directions, add flavor, add texture and so much more. I am going to share several sentences from Trankarri – The Boy with a Magical Pen and give my thoughts on them. These are the sentences that I worked the hardest on getting right. And some of these sentences just popped out when I was writing and I thought, oh wow that was a cool sentence. Let’s begin.

This was his secret fort. In fact, it was so secret that he kept it hidden from all his friends, even his closest friends; even Juli.

We already discussed this sentence in an earlier blog so I won’t take too much time here but this sentence carries a lot of weight because it acts as a clarifier of Nathaniel’s social status without going into too much exposition. It’s quick, to the point, and has a good poetic flow to it. This sentence clarifies that he is not a loner off on some adventure by himself. It shows that he has friends, closer friends and a best friend. It also shows that he has mastered the art of keeping a secret or secrets.

When I was introducing the Pen into the story I couldn’t just have PaPa give Nathaniel a magical pen without the proper introduction. The exchange between them had to be significant. It had to be memorable. It had to carry magical weight not just because of the fantasy genre; it was a passing of the torch. I really worked hard on this discussion for many weeks going back and forth trying to get it right. What better way than a conversation by a grand fire and why not use the fire as a metaphor and now that we’re here why not use it as a foreshadow – a very long foreshadow that won’t actually be seen until sometime in the second part of the series, Trivelwar. And by the end of the fifteen book saga I will bring it full circle. Obviously I did not know it would be fifteen books when I started this journey in 2009, nonetheless I knew I wanted this scene to have weight and to cast a long shadow over the series. This conversation is so important to Nathaniel because he will remember it often when he thinks about the night he was given the pen so it has to accomplish something profound. Instead of using narrative prose, PaPa will say everything I want to say.

“Nathaniel, do you see how the fire takes on a life of its own? Do you see how it dances, and makes its own little melody?”

“From one small spark, it builds and builds. What was once an insignificant flame is now this grand fire. It has its own life, its own rhythm; its own purpose.”

“Be careful what you draw with it, as its creations have a way of taking on lives and stories of their own. Don’t misuse it, don’t lose it, and never, ever loan it to anyone. Its power and magic are not fully understood.”

There, the introduction of the Pen is complete. It is kind of poetic, kind prophetic and with the lights dim and the fire blazing it is atmospheric. The more you can accomplish with the least amount of words is sometimes the way to go. I kind of learned this through landscaping. If you can achieve the look and feel and structural integrity of a landscape then it is better to use ten rocks than twenty-five. Less is more, most of the time. Too many rocks just junk up the landscapes, just like too many words junk up the text.

Let’s move through the book and point out a couple more sentences that I really like, and that I really enjoyed writing.

It smelled magical, if indeed magic had a smell.

I love this sentence. This is one of those sentences that just came out as I was describing the room. After it was on paper I thought, dang that’s pretty good. I think I’ll leave it as it is. It reminded me when I was in English I and my teacher would mark up our writing with positive notes. I could see her writing – GREAT JOB! Here is another sentence describing the room. This one I had to work on for a while until I got it right. This is what I would classify as Poetic Power.

It was hidden, it was quiet, it was cozy; indeed, it was a great place. In fact, with the small lamp by the chair and the smell of magic in the air, it wasn’t just a great place, it was perfect.

I try very hard to limit the word, ‘was’ in my books. In the first round of writing I use it as I am writing because in creative writing the words are coming onto the page very fast and I don’t have the time to articulate exactly what I am trying to convey. I am simply trying to get the thoughts and the spirit down as fast as I can and if I use the word ‘was’ in the first round it is okay. However that word tends to be passive and to move the story forward writers cannot use passive words they must use active verbs. So when you see it in this sentence it was very deliberate again and again. Also you have the two rhyming words chair and air and you have the discourse marker – in fact, just to add clarification and to disrupt the flow of thought to let you know how perfect the room was. I could have left it out and the sentence would have read the same, but because I added it, it provides a little more punch.

Here is another descriptive paragraph that took a lot of time to write and rewrite. I wanted to get the feeling of Inkworld perfect. It is not one sentence alone but the combination of each of these sentences.

There was no television, no radio, no cars, no hustle and bustle of a noisy town. As he took in deep breaths, he also noticed that the air smelled nice, like a newly printed book that had never before been opened. He realized that it was the smell of fresh ink on fresh paper, yes, but with the added excitement of a new book about to be read. For the first time, he understood why Tommy insisted on reading constantly during the Christmas holidays, sniffing the pages as he turned them.

I particularly like, fresh ink on fresh paper and that Tommy kept sniffing the pages as he turned them. If you’ve read a lot of books you’ll know what I’m talking about. The smell of books is great and that was my metaphor to describe the smell of Inkworld. In addition it locks into a book that had never been opened which describes an Inkworld adventure that’s about to begin.

The next sentence became the hallmark in all of my books in this series. There is one sentence or paragraph in each book that is dedicated to long-form alliteration. I am not going to get into the details of this sentence because I will break this down further in another blog on Literary Devices. I am including it here because I worked really hard on it. It took me over a month to write. Someone would ask, why would you work on a sentence for a month? Because it belongs, and quite frankly I do not know of any other writer out there doing long-form alliteration that is mixed in with portal or high fantasy. One paragraph dedicated to that literary device is my literary fingerprint.

When I do landscape projects my workers have often asked why I have to reposition boulders two or three inches or move them over a foot or add a cluster of plants to one section. The reason – because without me doing that, the landscape project wouldn’t be the same. There is a subconscious feeling that is captured that people cannot put their finger on that makes a landscape design pop which makes a statement that other landscapers never think to incorporate because they may be thinking of their payday. They may say, who cares if the boulder is turned this way or that no one will notice. The problem is, I notice. It is the same with writing. It is what separates the amateur from the professional. It separates the author who wants to hurry and get his work out from the author who wants to write a great story using his or her love for words. There is no way that you can read long-form alliteration without knowing the author put his or her heart and soul into it. It is not easy. Here it is.

After a dreary discussion dealing with derivatives and debating decimals, during which they descended into a discourse of diabolical deductions, which disclosed the determination of both delinquents and their detailed distractions about fractions and abstractions and how it related to decoding long division, Nathaniel became desperately despondent and decided to discontinue the dissonance he was discerning by declaring above their dissension: “Hey guys, have you seen any black birds flying around?”

This sentence clarifies and adds to the nonsense of wordplay that Tick and Tock are engaged in. It was a lot of fun to write and it was a lot of hard work. First I made a list with many words starting with the letter D and then I began removing the ones that didn’t fit and arranged the ones that did fit and over time with a lot of writing and rewriting this is what I finished with. I am very happy with this sentence and it hopefully shows the reader that I care.

Here is a pretty good sentence that also took a little while to craft. This is the immediate action after Nathaniel goes through the triple-hinge door.

Nathaniel rose dizzily and stumbled around, then tumbled down the stygian ledges; and his scream was muffled by the sheer terror of falling into the dark abyss. When he finally sprawled to a stop, he was beaten and battered and bruised all over; and his moans and groans caused by the stones were amplified by the silence that surrounded his strange, solitary situation.

There is a lot going on with these two sentences. We have some rhyming, two sets of alliteration, sensory imagery, two oxymoron’s. We read, stumbled down, tumbled down; moans and groans caused by stones. Then there is beaten, battered and bruised and strange, solitary situation. And finally the two oxymoron’s with scream was muffled, amplified by the silence. So in the end they pack a punch. Literary devices are a must if you intend to condense a lot of information into a little space.

One thing with fantasy books is they tend to get bogged down with endless description. Detailed description is fine when you are building a scene or scenario or you want to slow the pace down a little but to pause the action or in this case the terror with the overuse of description would only disrupt the flow. Time waits for no man. The story must move, and the movement or the tempo of any passage can be altered by the correct use of words. Rhyming words tend to move things faster, alliteration does also and oxymoron’s convey meaning in an efficient way. Scream was muffled, and amplified by silence gets the point across quick and it needs to because this is an action sequence. There isn’t any time for dilly dallying around; especially now.

I’ll do one last sentence and it is a big one. Not a big one in length but a big one in power and meaning. It is found in chapter fifteen and it is between an unknown woman and an unknown man watching the battle from a distance. Here is the exchange.

The woman was admiring her sword while at the same time watching the stampede seemingly deep in thought. “Do you think your search is over after all these centuries?” The woman asked. “Do you think it’s him?”

“It is very promising. He is beginning to show numerous signs. I am most interested in his wind and fire elf. If they are what I think they are this changes many things.”

I wrote this little exchange way after the book was finished and edited. As I was reading through it I wanted to add some weight to the story to let the reader know that what you are reading is bigger than what you are reading. I wanted to give the reader a sense that Nathaniel is part of a bigger story than just his story. I thought for months how to do it. How could I take book six, The Other Side of Time and summarize it in book one? How could I drop a small foreshadow in that most people will read right past? That is the beauty of foreshadowing. I did it a lot in the first few pages of book one only you won’t know until much later how it was all fulfilled.

The element where she asks, “Do you think your search is over after all these centuries?” should let the reader know the story was just expanded. It just got bigger – a lot bigger. Who is alive for centuries? Who are these characters? What role do they play?

So what is the takeaway with this? Simple. Sentences are the power structure of your writing. Imagination is great. Creativity – fantastic. Ideas for characters and battles and action – awesome. My only suggestion is that you put in the effort to make memorable sentences. After all, memorable sentences will make for a memorable book and a memorable book will stay in your memory and you will often find yourself wanting to go back to the story you read because you remembered how much you liked it. How is that for a little more wordplay in the end.

One last thought about sentences. They do allow you the author to play around with words in the same way an artist might play around with chalk or graphite or pastels. This ‘play’ is what is fun and engaging and it is self-entertaining.